Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So much Jack, so little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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