New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize