you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize