We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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