I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
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If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
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Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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