I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
please don't ironically join a cult
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