Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize