He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
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Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
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I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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