Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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