just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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