last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize