You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
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