He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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