hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize