the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
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Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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