I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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