That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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