im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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