the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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