so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize