census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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