Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize