alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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