fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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