just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
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I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
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You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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