You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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