My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
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So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
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It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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