Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
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Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
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You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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