it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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