I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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