There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
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Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Bring me that man meat
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She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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