tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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