he was CRYING into my vagina
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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