My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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