when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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