Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
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I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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