Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
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I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
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I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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