there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize