he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
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I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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