Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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