Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
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There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize