I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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