sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
someone owes me an orgasm
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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