Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
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Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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