So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize