im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
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You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
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I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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