I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize