i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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