my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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