i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many bounce houses so little time
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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